5 Reasons Why Men Cheat

11:52 am 1 Comments

I have never figured out why people call it cheating. I like to think of it as diversification. Quoting my beloved  Finance lecturer Ms. Kwamboka, diversification means reducing risk by investing in a variety of assets. If the asset values do not move up and down in perfect synchrony, a diversified portfolio will have less risk than the weighted average risk of its constituent assets, and often less risk than the least risky of its constituent. To be honest, I did not understand a single word of that explanation but my classmate was kind enough to sum it up for me, 'do not put all your eggs in one basket'. 


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Its true, most men do not appreciate having one woman in their lives. Its like walking through a candy store and seeing your favorite chocolate, and you cannot have it because of that nasty *toothache*. 

Blame it on the Genes, baibe!!

Ever since we got the first Homo Sapiens Sapiens, men have always been polygamous. Evolutionary psychologists state as a matter of factually, that men were wired to lay their seed in as many women to ensure their genetic survival. Yeah!! I blamed the genes. If women will blame hormones for their irritable mood swings, guess what I am going to blame the genes with medical proof to boot. 

I Do..The wedding monster

You can imagine the horror and shock on a mans face when he wakes up the night after the wedding to find that the woman he once knew transformed over night into this lazy, promotion t-shirt wearing, bubbling zombie. Why is it that once women get married they think that they should not make an effort to look good. Honestly, if I wanted scarecrow, I would build one myself not marry one.

The Nagging/CID/FBI WIFE

This breed of woman was once a CID officer but deduced feasibly that her skills were far more polished and thus resigned. This woman will analyse every single message in your phone, every single fool stop as evidence of your infidelity. She will question all her husband's friends and log their phone numbers to be used on one of those days when the man swears by all that is holy to be sleeping over at a friends house. Woe unto you if all your friends claim to be hosting you in their homes. Most of these men tend to disappear mysteriously or suddenly fall into line looking quite so hen-pecked.

The Diva aka Gold digger

This woman lives in a world of her own. She is the kind that thinks money grows on trees and as soon as you pluck it, should go into getting her that new Gucci bag or that diamond necklace that is worth more than your  mere existence. She goes to the salon as often as she blinks, spends your hard earned money as if not doing so will mean not breathing. Without her, the economy would suffer greatly. Every man dreads search a cash furnace, unless you are Bill Gates. As soon as the cash well dries, she will flee into the horizon like one running away from a nuclear holocaust. Beware!!!

 The Warrior

Be very afraid gentlemen. Hell hath no furry like a woman scorned. This wo'man' will store a sleek 'black mamba' in the wardrobe for those occasions a man arrives home late smelling like a brewery. I take this moment to salute my Nyeri brothers who suffered this severe dent in their male ego's. Luckily their some early warnings that prepare you for this kind of disastrous moment:

  1. If your wife starts practicing taekwondo or karate, run!!
  2. If she starts growing muscles in awkward places, run!!
  3. If for no reason Soko Ugali and matumbo becomes the staple food in your home, run!!   

 Save yourself my fellow men. Preserve what is left of the male species and propagate.


Unknown

Some say he’s half man half fish, others say he’s more of a seventy/thirty split. Either way he’s a fishy bastard. Google

1 comment:

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